Today’s Mistake: Old Milwaukee. “America’s Best Tasting Beer.”
4.6% alcohol by volume
12 ounce can
Price: $6.99 (12-pack)
I drank the entire 12-pack tonight, and nothing. I actually feel sharper and more in tune with my environment. That’s the power of a 4.6% adjunct. Old Milwaukee is made by the Joseph Schlitz Brewing Company, better known for their most popular product, Pabst Blue Ribbon. I think that says it all. In New York the other day I was looking for a nice cold beverage, and while I wanted a beer, it would’ve been too much in the oppressive heat. So I found something even better than beer. A 24 ounce can of Diet Mountain Dew, which is the Kate Upton of diet sodas. Just look at this thing.
Have you ever seen something so beautiful? The woman next to me thought I was a supreme weirdo for taking a picture of a soda can, but she can go straight to hell. I absolutely LOVE 24 ounce cans of anything, but they’re usually only good for alcohol and iced tea. To find one of my favorite diet sodas was a treat. I don’t think they sell this in Boston, which is another reason I’m glad to be leaving that festering shit-pot in a few weeks.
From the can.
Yellow and fizzy. Pretty much standard for an adjunct lager.
Again, nothing too unusual. Just sweet fumes and the occasional funky metallic smell.
Well, they do go down smooth. Probably why I drank 12 of them. Tastes like a plainer and fizzier PBR, if you can imagine such a thing.
Let’s see: doesn’t taste good, doesn’t smell good, doesn’t look good. Cheap. Easy to pound. We’ll give Old Milly a 2 out of a possible 5, because why the hell not. Remember Murphy Lee? Of course not. He was better than he should have been.