Shock Top Belgian White
Today’s Mistake: Shock Top Belgian White. I cannot put off Shit Top for much longer.
Shock Top Belgian White
5.2% alcohol by volume
12 ounce bottle
Price: $7.99 (six-pack)
I’ve been pretending that Shock Top doesn’t exist for the past year, but honestly, I can’t do it anymore. I must tell everyone how unbelievably shitty Shock Top is. The real issue is that it’s not merely content to be a crap beer. It has to parade itself about like an imported delicacy, some Belgian beer worthy of your admiration and reverence. I cannot prove it, but I’m fairly sure it’s got more rice in it than wheat. “Shock Top Brewery” is, as you may know, located in St. Louis, MO, home of Anheuser-Busch. AB does in fact own Shock Top, although it’s more of a deceptive faux-brewery than anything else. Coors does the exact same thing with Blue Moon. The problem with the Belgian white style is that, when dumbed-down sufficiently, it’s very appealing to casual beer-drinkers and idiots. They also see “Belgian,” which is way more sophistimicated than dang old America. Dangerous stuff.
From the bottle.
Color
Looks like an adjunct.
Nose
Smells like corn syrup and fake-citrus. Get this: there are pouring directions on the bottle. Ha!
Taste
Where to start? It’s way too sweet. There’s phony coriander and orange peel after every sip. Really, it’s like drinking that sugar water that Edgar drinks in Men In Black. Except with more alcohol in it.
Final Verdict
This is just awful. It’s the pits. It’d be better if they didn’t pretend it was some big deal Belgian masterpiece. That it ain’t. It’s a fuming pile of cow shit. 1 out of a possible 5. Here’s a concert I wish I got to see.