Seagram’s 7 Crown Whisky
Today’s mistake: Seagram’s Seven Crown Whisky, ice cold with a whole lot of misery.
40% alcohol by volume (80 proof)
1.75 liter bottle
There are only a handful of drinks in the world that have this power: as soon as you see it, you have a headache. I took one look at this beast and immediately felt hungover. You probably know Seagram’s better for their gin, but evidently they make whisky too. I’m a gin man myself, but I’ve never really liked Seagram’s, opting instead for Bombay or Hendrick’s. Anyway, someone brought this lil’ fella over last night and it was mixed with ginger ale or something. I hate ginger ale, but the thought of this by itself was blood curdling. I suppose we were making pseudo 7&7′s but who can tell. Nothing good happens after midnight.
Lucky for me, there is still a half bottle in the freezer, so let’s review this! I’ll put it in a little glass because that’s what you do with whisky right?
Like a really weak stream of urine. Sorry, but that’s exactly what this looks like. I usually take brown liquor neat, but this required ice. And it had been in the freezer all night. Oh, on another note, you know how vodka gets all syrupy when you leave it in the freezer? That happened with this too. Truly horrifying.
Pretty much what you’d expect from a low-grade whisky: very harsh, not unlike huffing paint thinner or nail polish remover. Not that I’d know what that’s like. It just smells so rough. I think I gagged a bit.
They should rename this stuff “The Elixir of One Thousand Sorrows” or something that sounds like it’s from Harry Potter. I imagine this is what Voldemort drinks. It’s a human reflex to reject anything that tastes like poison, but I kept this down. It tasted much better last night with ginger ale and ice. Still pretty damn awful.
Just say no. Seriously, this is one of the worst things I’ve ever had. I’m no connoisseur, but I know that this is terrible. Just stick to Evan Williams or something like that. 1 out of a possible 5. Putrid. And Maria agrees with me.