Gearing up for the Derby
It’s almost here. The “most exciting two minutes in sports” is a little over 48 hours away as I type these words. Yes, folks, it is once again time for the Kentucky Derby. One of the few times of the year when we can all pretend to be a piece in the elaborate equestrian scene and have it be socially acceptable. Chances are, though, that you’re like us. That means you’re not one to frequent your local track, and you probably don’t have an assortment of flamboyant derby hats that look something like this. Rest easy my friends. We think no less of you for choosing not to partake in such things. The Derby, for those of us sitting at home, is all about having a good time celebrating a sport we only see three times a year. For some reason, and probably because it’s the shortest and the earliest, the Kentucky Derby garners much more attention than the Preakness and Belmont Stakes. So, no excuses this year. We’ve outlined three easy steps to make sure you don’t miss two of the best minutes of 2012.
Step 1: Drink Minty
You’re going to want to start the festivities early, and hopefully you’re not about to be drinking alone. The Kentucky Derby boasts the most gratuitous pre-game coverage in sports history. Technically the Derby Countdown Show is already on, so turn on the Horse Racing Television Channel now if you’re crazy. The real goods start Saturday at 11 am, and continue all the way to 5-7, when the race is scheduled to begin. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that you’re dealing with horses, here. When all the animals get settled, the race goes off, so do have your eyes on the screen from 5-7. There’s even a red-carpet special from 4-5 for all of us to gawk at the old-money heirs and heiresses.
We want to make sure you’re feeling no pain by that point. Realistically, you’re not going to invite people over for seven hours of pre-race coverage. That’s a good thing, because it will allow you time to prepare the Kentucky Derby drink of choice: the mint julep. Yes, the race has its own drink, and even an elaborate history. Since 1938, Churchill Downs has promoted the adult beverage, and each year 120,000 of the drinks are served at the race (almost every one in a collectable Derby glass). Well, we may not have the glasses, but we can sure as hell make the drink. Here’s what you’ll need:
1. 2 cups sugar
2. 2 cups water
3. Fresh mint sprigs
4. Crushed ice
5. Jim Beam or a nicer bourbon if you so choose
6. Patience
Put the booze aside, and head to the kitchen. Mix the sugar, water and mint in a saucepan and boil it till the sugar is dissolved. You should have a nice syrup with some mint leaves floating around. We’re going to want to get rid of those. Let the concoction cool for an hour or so, then strain it to remove the mint. Allrecipes.com instructs you to pull out your frozen goblet, but I’m guessing you’re short on those like me. If you have a nice metal glass, feel free to freeze it in preparation, but the ice will do just fine. Pour a healthy dose of 4-5 ounces of bourbon over the ice, mixing it with a quarter cup of the syrup. Skip the straw if you’re a man, but don’t forget to add the little mint sprig. There you go. Depending on how many people you have, you can make more. Like any time-consuming drink, the mint juleps will be gone in twenty minutes and you will have wasted hours of Derby day boiling water and sugar in the kitchen. Have lots of beer.
Step 2: Bet Ignorantly and Shamelessly
Bodemeister and Union Rags. Have any idea who they are? You don’t have the foggiest idea which horses are racing, let alone which ones will win. But, unless you’re inviting over some serious blue-bloods, your friends won’t either. The actual race is only two minutes, so you’re going to need to spice up the pre-hours with some friendly betting. Let everyone casually watch the pre-race coverage, get a handle on which horses have a good shot, which ones have the coolest colors, and that about sums up all you need to do. Have everyone place down $5-20, and whoever picks right gets the pot. Easy enough. If no one picks right, then that sucks, but at least you get your money back. Or, you could do closest to winning, but that isn’t all that much fun. Here are the most updated odds:
1. Daddy Long Legs 30/1
2. Optimizer 50/1
3. Take Charge Indy 15/1
4. Union Rags 9/2
5. Dullahan 8/1
6. Bodemeister 4/1
7. Rousing Sermon 50/1
8. Creative Cause 12/1
9. Trinniberg 50/1
10. Daddy Knows Best 15/1
11. Alpha 15/1
12. Prospective 30/1
13. Went The Day Well 20/1
14. Hansen 10/1
15. Gemologist 6/1
16. El Padrino 20/1
17. Done Talking 50/1
18. Sabercat 30/1
19. I’ll Have Another 12/1
20. Liaison 50/1
Here are some friendly tips from a semi-ignorant fan of horse racing. Bodemeister is the favorite, followed closely by Union Rags. The latter is from Philly, though, so my heart tells me to go with the local. The number 5 position, this year occupied by Dullahan, has been friendly to Derby winners in recent years. However, Animal Kingdom managed a victory all the way out in the 16 spot last year. The bottom line: anything can happen in the Kentucky Derby, so you’re probably not going to win. This is why some people make serious money getting lucky with a low-odd pick.
Step 3: It’s Over. Switch to Hockey
And it’s finished. Rousing Sermon has just beat the odds and that guy who came over uninvited and threw down a last minute bet is sheepishly collecting his spoils. You’re annoyed, and definitely regretting spending two hours whipping up those mint juleps everyone else drank earlier. You now have about two minutes to make a vital decision. Grab the remote, and switch to the NHL Playoffs. This will either make everyone want to leave, or convince everyone to stay a while longer, depending on your crowd. This can be a good or bad thing. Either way, while it may not be the most exciting two minutes in sports, at least it has you covered till midnight.